There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
