just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i think i just lost a toe
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
