No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
