Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
