I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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