dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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