Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
