I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
