Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
