think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
