I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
