The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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