question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
