He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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