And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
