Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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