im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
