i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
