I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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