Duck Duck Cougar?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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