Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
