you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
