I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
