Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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