dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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