I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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