Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
