I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
