Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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