I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
