Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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