So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
