You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
