If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
