don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
