i permit you to call me
I cannot find my penis.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
