If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
