used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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