no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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