so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
