walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
