just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
