Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
