i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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