Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
