I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
