Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
