last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
