The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
