He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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