She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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