I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
