If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
