I'm drive I can fine osifer
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
