Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
