You're a womanizer and a bitch.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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